Sixth Commandment
You shall not commit adultery.

What does this mean for us?
We are to fear and love God, so that we lead pure and decent lives in word and deed, and each of us loves and honors his or her spouse.

How do we apply this commandment to our family’s life?

Activity...Work together to create a poster that says “God keeps God’s promises!” While you decorate it, talk about what it means to keep a promise and about how sometimes it’s really hard to do.

Explain...This commandment is about keeping promises. God always keeps God’s promises...and God wants to help us to do the same.

•How does it feel when someone breaks a promise? Have you ever done that to someone? How did they react? Did you ask them for forgiveness?

Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
•What does “a rope made out of three cords is not easily broken” mean?

Explain... These verses teach us about how we are strong when we join together in relationship...but when we invite God into our relationships, they are the strongest of all. Without God’s help, we have a hard time keeping our promises...but when we ask God to join us in our relationships, God helps us follow this commandment.

•Take turns telling one another how much you mean to each other. Pray that God would help your family live out this commandment.

Family Memory Verse...Have fun learning the following verse together as a family as a way to remember the sixth commandment.

Don’t you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is in you. You have received him from God. You do not belong to yourselves. So use your bodies in a way that honors God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

ADULTERY – BEYOND THE PHYSICAL
Can one commit adultery if they don’t engage physically with another person, or if they’re not even married? The answer is YES. Up to this point, these E-blasts have been primarily directed to the student. Though this will certainly affect the student significantly if lived out properly, this is directed to each parent.

God desires his children to have righteous principles, ones that are pure and honorable. Martin Luther wrote “People are not made religious by performing certain actions which are externally good, but they must FIRST have righteous principles, and then they will not fail to perform virtuous actions”.

In Luther’s Small Catechism, the meaning of the Sixth Commandment states “we are to fear and love God so that in matters of sex our words and conduct are pure and honorable, and husband and wife love and respect each other”. Satan, who is alive and at work, is a master at deception and manipulation. This enemy wants God’s children to take their eyes off Christ Jesus, just to seek a cheap version of fulfillment that will never satisfy but will only destroy. We are sexual beings living in an overly sexualized civilization all while pursuing a solid structure of righteous, Christ-centered principles. The strongest antidote I’ve found to shield my marriage from the enemy’s deceptions is daily practicing three principles: Pray, pay, and protect.

I pray for my marriage, for my wife, and for me to allow the Holy Spirit to help me love and honor in the way my wife desires. Do you know your spouse’s love language? In order to effectively love your spouse in a manner that they feel loved by you, you must speak their love language. Research which of the five languages they resonate with.

Secondly, I consciously ‘pay it forward’ by showing love, knowing that it will be returned, and usually in multiple ways. This is difficult, and can only be done with the help of the Holy Spirit. Some days you won’t FEEL like paying forward anything, but love is not a feeling, it is an action as stated in 1Corinthians 13. Your love investment is paid more easily when it’s done consciously for the Lord Jesus. What you do for him you do also for others.

Thirdly, I protect my body and my mind from being enticed by anything that could destroy what God has blessed me with. I am thankful for my spouse and all her little quirks. I focus on what I have rather than on what I don’t have. I am mindful to not look at other pretty women knowing that a simple glance could lead to a comparison game. This would only entice the enemy’s involvement. Protecting my marriage entails loving and honoring my wife which is impossible if I’m filling my mind with images of other women from inappropriate internet sites.

If you are currently single, I have been in your shoes as a divorcee and single parent. During those two very challenging years, I made a conscious effort to turn my love toward Jesus as my spouse knowing that his engulfing arms of comfort would sustain and uphold me through the difficult days. Your children are watching you, so make this time not about yourself, but rather about what it means to have faith in a mighty God who will provide for all your needs.

May you find comfort and strength in God’s words stated in Psalm 27:1, “The Lord is my light and my salvation –why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from hardship, why should I tremble?”

6th commandment
You shall not commit adultery

When I discuss this commandment with students, I generally get a glazed look in the eyes, as if to say- “Please don’t make me talk about this out loud.”

This generally comes from one of two places:
1. They have already been sexually active in any number of its varying forms.
OR
2. They have been taught to fear the topic, so they just hope that the fact that they haven’t actually had intercourse yet gets them “off the hook” with this commandment.

Is that as simple as it gets?

‘Not married, so it’s technically impossible for me to break this one, so I’m good.’

The Lutheran Catechism defines this commandment in this way:
“We are to fear and love God, so that we lead pure and decent lives in word and deed, and each of us loves and honors his or her spouse.”

That certainly broadens the lens through which we look at this topic. Fear in this case is obviously meant to be a basis of respect- not a ‘shaking in our boots’ mentality. It is a foundation for WHY we would follow such an ideal. If we were to ask our students if they were living pure and decent lives, in respect to their sexuality, it would absolutely lead to some much deeper discussions. (This, by the way, is what I hope for you to do, since 57% of teens say they get their information about sex from the movies and media.)

If we look at this from the standpoint of leading pure and decent lives, it opens the door to a larger range of things that we can improve on.

How are we looking at members of the opposite sex?
What kinds of images are we exposing our eyeballs to that aren’t helping keep our thought patterns pure?
What kinds of relationships are we maintaining with members of the opposite sex?
What thought patterns are we falling into in regards to the opposite sex?
What kinds of things am I saying/ joking about when it comes to sexual topics?

Remember, the point of God setting up guidelines was NOT to be some cosmic killjoy, but rather to protect us from ourselves. The power in a sexual relationship- whether in reality or in our mind- is FAR more than we ever seem to give it credit for and take the time to think through. This makes it easier to understand what Jesus meant in Matthew 5:27-28.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Encourage your student(s) to think through this lens, instead of oversimplifying the topic into one of “I’ve had intercourse with someone other than my spouse vs. I haven’t.”

It’s up to us to be in control of our minds, and do the work of staying pure in our thoughts. The things we say, and the actions we participate in, are what prepares our students for their future spouse.

God says we are to love one another. There are some people who have so much hate in their hearts that they will take another person's life. God created us in His image, and we should love one another.

Here's a story from www.holyspiritinteractive.net/kids/storybook ...a great story to tell to your kiddos!

The Fifth Commandment - Don't hurt others!

Our friends, Peter and Paul, were on the beach making castles after spending the past hour playing in the water. Suddenly two unfamiliar boys came running by their blanket and made loud noises. "Bang, bang" said the older boy with his thumb in the air and his index finger pointing forward in the shape of a gun. The younger boy rolled around in the sand and said "Bang!" to the older boy using his hand in the very same way. These boys were pretending to shoot one another.

Finally, the older boy dropped into the sand, pretending death while the other boy acted like a great champion. Then they both laughed and ran away. After seeing this, Peter and Paul made guns out of their fingers in order to imitate the other boys. Peter said, "Bang!" At that very moment, their mother said, "Boys, please stop doing that immediately!" Startled, Peter said, "Mom, we were just playing and our friends play this way all of the time at school." Mom asked them to come to the beach chairs--it was time for a little chat. They needed to explain God's plan for respecting human life and for honoring the dignity (specialness) of all persons.

Dad said, "Many years ago, God gave commandments to Moses. The fifth one said that we should not kill." So, we must not hurt or harm anyone, but help them and be a friend. "Oh, come on, we were not killing anyone, we were just playing," said Paul. Dad said, "Of course you were not killing but you were pretending to kill. That is not a fun game to play. You were playing at something that is wrong."

Mom then said, "Life is so special, I remember the days you were both born and I held you in my arms." Mom sighed and said further, "Oh, all the dreams and wishes I have for you. I could not imagine you being killed. Or you being someone who would pretend to take that dream away from another mother by killing their child." Dad said, "If you are going to have fun, play games that make life special. Take part in sports, make each other laugh, run and play. These all are ways to enjoy life."

Finally, Mom said, "Boys, killing is against God's law. God wants you to obey the laws so you can benefit from God's love for you. God loves you more than you can imagine. God also has wishes and hopes and dreams for you! Being a person who respects life is a person who can enjoy all of the people God has made and most of all, it allows you to be truly happy."

"Wow! We are sorry, Paul and I should not play killing games," said Peter. With that, the boys ran off to play in the water again.

Fifth Commandment
You shall not murder.

What does this mean for us?
We are to fear and love God, so that we neither endanger nor harm the lives of our neighbors, but instead help and support them in all of life’s needs.

How do we apply this commandment to our family’s life?
Activity...Give one person a ball and invite them to share about a time when they were angry with someone. Who were they angry with? What made them angry? Were they angry at the person, or angry at something that person did? Pass the ball until everyone has had a chance to share.

Explain...This commandment not only means we should not kill by taking a life, but also means we should not hurt or hate. In fact, it teaches us that we should not even withhold helping our enemy!

Read Romans 12:18-21: 18If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can. My friends, don’t try to get even. Leave room for God to show his anger. It is written, “I am the One who judges people. I will pay them back,” (Deuteronomy 32:35) says the Lord. Do just the opposite. Scripture says, “If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. By doing those things, you will pile up burning coal on their heads (Proverbs 25:21,22).” Don’t let evil overcome you. Overcome evil by doing good.

• These verses remind us that it’s not our job to judge others. That means that when people do things we don’t agree with, our call as Jesus’ followers is to set aside our anger and love them with God’s love. What does this mean to our lives? As Christians, how are we called to act on the playground and in the lunchroom when people do things to make us angry?

• How might the world be different if we all lived by not letting evil overcome us but by overcoming evil by doing good?

Explain...This commandment isn’t telling us it’s not o.k. to get angry...in fact, anger is a gift from God—a way to help us deal with our feelings. What it is telling us is that there are good ways [and bad!] to handle our anger. It’s all about how we react.

• Come up with a list of ways we might deal with our anger [count to 10, take some quiet time, squeeze our pillow, talk to the person who made us angry]. Pray that God would help your family live out this commandment.

Family Memory Verse...
Have fun learning the following verse together as a family as a way to remember the fifth commandment. Scripture says, “When you are angry, do not sin.” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Don’t give the devil a chance (Ephesians 4:26-27).

The 5th Commandment

This is the one commandment that people know quite definitely if they’ve committed it or not. It’s also the one out of the whole list of ten that individuals will quote back to the person who’s questioning one’s commitment to following the Commandments. It is often heard “well I haven’t killed anyone, so I’m fine”.

Parents, before your student cruises by this one by checking it off their list of Commandments that they surely haven’t broken, remind them that they most probably have broken this and didn’t even realize it. The meaning of the 5th Commandment states “we are to fear and love God so that we do not hurt our neighbor in ANY way, but HELP them in all physical needs”.

Not sure about you, but I’m quite positive that I’ve broken this Commandment many times over. The majority of us don’t purposefully go out and hurt those around us. But in the same way, we probably don’t go out of our way to purposefully help those around us that often either. Here are a few things you can do to raise the truth awareness of this commandment with your student.

1) Make sure they understand that the word ‘kill’ means much more than just physically hurting someone else’s body. One’s spirit can be devastatingly ‘killed’ by a mean word or an insensitive action. Help your student ask themselves before they say or do something to someone else “is this a nice thing to do or say, will it lift them up or bring them down?”

2) If you have hurt someone else, whether you agree that you have or not, you must set your pride aside and ask that person to forgive you. Some of the hardest, most difficult things to do is to admit that we were wrong in our actions towards someone else because of ego and pride. It is at this time that one must turn to God for the Holy Spirit’s strength to surrender all in the hope that you can be reconciled to the other person. Being right or wrong is NOT the main goal. The goal is being in right relationship with each other first and foremost.

3) Encourage your student to look for ways that they can be helpful to those living around you. Prepare them for the extra time and energy this is going to take, but that the Lord requires this of those who desire to follow Him. It’s not just for those that do nice things for you; it’s even for those who aren’t very nice. Jesus said “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who persecute you”. The last time I checked, “doing good” is an action not just a thought.

Parents, if you expect your student(s) to follow through with the full truth of this commandment, you too must walk through each of these steps as the role model. Faith is more caught than it is taught! What you do, or not do, has greater influence on your student’s faith and daily life attributes than anything else. If they see you ‘doing good’ to those around you, especially those who aren’t very deserving of such treatment, this will impact them immensely. Always point the reason for what you do to and for others towards Jesus Christ. Without God’s Spirit, we are powerless.

The 5th Commandment
“THOU SHALL NOT KILL”

For Christians at large, this commandment is the easiest one to abide by on our “spiritual checklist” that we run through every now and again.

“Let’s see, honor they father and mother- ya mostly. Don’t steal, eh, only that one time. Don’t murder, SWEET- haven’t killed anyone in cold blood, I’m good.”

According to the Bible not all killing is murder. Murder is the unlawful taking of a human life. The primary reason God hates murder is that out of all creation, only humans are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27; 9:4-6).While on earth, Jesus spoke out against murder (Matthew 5:21-26; Mark 10:17-19). And we also see in the writings of Paul (Romans 1:18, 29-32; 13:8-10; Galatians 5:19-21), James (James 2:8-11; 4:1-3), Peter (1 Peter 4:15-16) and John (Revelation 9:20-21; 21:7-8; 22:14-15) that murder is wrong.

OK, so we get it. We shouldn’t kill. But is it really that simple? In Matthew 5:21-26 Jesus amplifies the meaning of the sixth commandment. He brings out that to commit murder means more than just killing someone, it means having an angry and unforgiving attitude towards them:

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.' But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire. "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny." (Matthew 5:21-26, NKJV)

The apostle John takes it even one step further by writing that to hate someone is the same as murdering them:

"Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." (1John 3:15, NKJV).

Murder like all sin, begins in our human (Read: flawed) brain, as a thought, in this case hatred, which leads to the action of murder. The opposite of hating someone is loving them, and if memory serves me, Jesus told us we should even love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48).

So then, what if we focused that energy that would most likely go unused on actually murdering someone towards something more productive, like how we can most effectively be loving to someone? How can YOU as a parent lead your student by example in loving your neighbor as yourself, caring for the downtrodden, helping the needy, and truly loving the un-lovable like Jesus did?

The Fourth Commandment:
“Honor your father and your mother.”

What does this mean for us? Luther’s Small Catechism says: “We are to fear and love God so that we do not despise or anger our parents and others in authority, but respect, obey, love, and serve them.” You can read about this commandment in Exodus 20:12.

Family activity: Start a Family Love Box. Write notes to put in the box when you see family members respecting, loving, obeying and serving each other. Open the box on Sunday after dinner and pray, “Dear Jesus, we did all these special things because we love each other in this family. We also did them because we love You.” Building a solid foundation of mutual respect for each family member, with parents as “guides”, maintains parent leadership & authority and builds the sense of security that kids need.

Family discussion: Sit in a circle with your kids. Ask: What’s one rule you have at your house? What’s one rule you have at school? What happens when you don’t obey those rules? Why do you think we have rules to follow? There are rules that our government makes up and rules that parents and teachers make up. But God was the first one to give us rules to live by. God gives us rules because he loves us and knows we need rules to help us live safely and get along with others.

10 Commandment Rap
Here’s a new rap…
I am the Lord, your only God.
Don’t make false idols—if you hear me, nod.
Don’t use the name of the Lord in vain.
Keep the Sabbath holy in sun or rain.
Honor your father and your mother.
You shall not kill your earthly brother!
Stay faithful to that wedding band,
Don’t rob or steal, do you understand?
Never tell a lie to the guy next door,
And don’t wish to own his boat or car!
If you heard these commandments, hop around,
Turn in place, and then sit down.

Teach respect with this game: Mother (Father) May I?: You can’t just tell kids to be respectful, you have to teach them the skills. This game reinforces courtesy, which is a big part of respect. Line up the players facing you, about 10 feet away. Give commands to one kid at a time: “Sarah, take one hop forward.” If Sarah responds, “Mother, may I?” you can say either “Yes, you may” or “No, you may not.” If your reply is “yes,” make sure that Sarah says “Thank you” before she goes. Anyone who forgets her manners or makes a move without permission is sent back to the starting line. Keep playing until one child reaches Mother. Give each kid a chance to be Mother.

Prayer: Dear God, we thank you for helping us to do the things we should and to not do the things we shouldn’t; for teaching us how to live a life that pleases you; for giving us faith in Jesus (hold up one finger) and giving us love for one another (hold up a second finger). We know you give us rules because you love us! Amen.

Fourth Commandment

The Fourth Commandment:
Honor Your Father and Mother

As a parent, I love this commandment because every time I hear it, I think “YEAH kids, God says so!” This word honor goes so far beyond what any of us realize. In the Hebrew Scriptures, (the Old Testament) children who did not respect their parents were given an immediate death penalty. God gave Moses the law shown in Exodus 21:17 “Anyone who curses their father or mother must be put to death”. In researching this commandment, I came across the verse in Deuteronomy 5:16 which makes much more sense knowing the severity of what happens to disobedient children. “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, SO THAT you may live long and that it may go well with you”. Interesting, this is the first commandment that comes with it a promise of living a long, blessed life.

Why for heaven’s sake would so much emphasis be put on children to give their parents their ultimate loyalty and unwavering respect to the degree that it would mean life or death? It doesn’t take too long to realize that a child or teen who shows disrespect to their own parent does so either because that parent did not properly teach the student respectful behavior, or, the parent isn’t demanding the level of respect and honor that God wills them to have over that student. In the majority of cases, it’s the latter.

I have come across many parents over the years who allow their child to walk all over them. I’ve come to realize in questioning why they don’t respond harshly to the student’s disrespect, that it is out of a sense of fear that they let these dishonoring jabs slip on by. Many parents want their children to be happy and to be their friend first and foremost. Because of this strong emphasis, they will go so far as not to discipline their children when they are being dishonored out of fear that they will jeopardize their child’s friendship and happiness.

If this resonates with you even in a slight manner, you need to let go of the desire to be your child’s buddy and switch onto a totally different parenting track. Being good is more important than being happy and taking responsibility for your child’s behavior is the essential element over being their buddy. Children honor and show unwavering respect when they are taught to and expected to do so by their elders. Parents who allow an ounce today will be shown a truckload of disrespect later when that student is in their mid to late teen years. Each child needs to learn how to honor their father and mother, so that their lives may go well with them because they are expected to show unwavering respect to everyone in authority.

Parents, as hard as we try, sometimes the place teaching our children how to be disrespectful to those in authority comes from TV shows and video games that we’ve granted our permission to. I finally had to disallow shows like The Simpsons and certain video games that got points for outrunning police officers with my teenage sons due to the level of disrespect they were learning from them. Did they dislike me for taking these away from them? Sure they did, but I want my children to be good much more than I want them to be happy. Pray and ask God to give you the wisdom and the courage to stand up to your children the next time they dishonor you. In doing so, you’re not being the mean parent, on the contrary you are doing your children and all those in authority in their lives a favor.

Fourth Commandment:
Honor your father and your mother.

I’m sure many of you as parents are reading this with a smug smile on your face, and the phrase-“Ya, that’s right” bouncing around in your heads. Heck, I do. Our gut reaction to this commandment is one that is typical for parents of teenagers. Just the other day a parent was asking me how much longer they had to put up with their students acting like they knew everything and didn’t need any input from them as parents. It’s times like those that we want our students to honor us, and not act like, well- teenagers. Good news! Did you know that in the Old Testament failing to honor your parents was punishable by law? Check it out:

"If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son, who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they chastise him, will not give heed to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall purge the evil from your midst" (Deuteronomy 21:18-21 RSV) "Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death ... Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death." (Exodus 21:15,17 RSV)

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could still uphold that Old Testament Law? Too bad Jesus came to abolish the old laws, eh? I am, of course, joking. But raising teens can be difficult, and often the center of the conflict between parents and students is this very issue, honor. So what do we do?

Well, unfortunately this honor thing doesn’t come easily. It’s not just something they have to do to us, we as parents must work to be worthy of being honored! Even though it may feel like we already deserve such admiration for paying the mortgage and buying them those ridiculous looking shoes, we must continue to strive to love and make ourselves worthy of any honor or respect our students might give us. Check it out:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother," this is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4 RSV)

"The soul that sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son; the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself." (Ezekiel 18:20 RSV)

What can we do about it?
You guessed it. You start the trends. Choose the hills you want to die on as a parent. Most of the issues that create conflict between students and parents are quite trivial. (Not all, but most.) So be the one that seeks to change the tone in your times of conflict. Earn the honor you expect. Seek to maintain a two-way flow of traffic instead of insisting it flows one direction, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.

The Third Commandment: “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.”
Note that God had more to say about this commandment than all others and with good reason. It is very important! Exodus 20:8-11 says, “Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock or the alien resident in your towns. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.” Wow, that’s pretty clear!

What is this? or What does this mean for us? Luther’s Small Catechism says: “We are to fear and love God so that we do not neglect his Word and the preaching of it, but regard it as holy and gladly hear and learn it.” You can read about this commandment in Exodus 20:8-11.

Family activity: Form a circle of chairs that face outward, using one fewer chair than the number of family members. Play upbeat music and have family members skip, hop, or tiptoe around the circle. Explain that when you pause the music and call out “Sabbath,” each family member must sit in a chair as quickly as possible to remember that God wants us to rest on the Sabbath. When family members have taken all the available seats, have the person who didn’t find a seat name one of God’s Ten Commandments. Continue playing until you’ve named all of God’s Commandments.

10 Commandment Rap
Do you know the 10 Commandments? Yes, we do!
These are God’s words, so hear what we say!
These are God’s words, so listen and obey!
1- Do not worship any God except me
2 - Do not make idols
3- Do not misuse my name
4- Remember the worship day
5- Respect your dad and mom
6- Do not murder
7- Stay with the one you’re married to
8- Do not steal
9- Do not tell lies
10- Do not want anything that belongs to someone else
Yes, this is most certainly true.

Talk about Sunday—our day of rest: Keeping Sunday as a family day, going to church together, resting together and playing together helps put God at the center of our lives. It’s hard, but worth the effort!

Prayer: Dear God, we thank you for helping us to do the things we should and to not do the things we shouldn’t; for teaching us how to live a life that pleases you; for giving us faith in Jesus (hold up one finger) and giving us love for one another (hold up a second finger). We know you give us rules because you love us! Amen.

Third Commandment
Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy.

What does this mean for us?
We are to fear and love God, so that we do not despise preaching or God’s word, but instead keep the word holy and gladly hear and learn it

How do we apply this commandment to our family’s life?

Activity...Fill in the calendar for the month of November with your family’s planned activities.

Download a blank calendar (.pdf)

Use red for school related activities [i.e. homework, functions, etc.], blue for recreational activities [i.e. sports, clubs], and green for family fun time. Now, spend time looking at the calendar. Is there still room for time with God? Use orange to identify faith building activities that your family can experience together [i.e. worship, at home Bible study, weekly ministry opportunities, etc.]

Explain...This commandment teaches us that we should put aside time each week to be in God’s word...doing so helps us put God at the center of our lives.
•Is there room on your family’s calendar for time with God? If not, what might have to give to make room?
Explain...Making room on our calendars for church each week can be a struggle. Bringing church home can be just as challenging.
Read Colossians 3:16-17…16 Let Christ’s word live in you like a rich treasure. Teach and correct each other wisely. Sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing with thanks in your hearts to God. 17 Do everything you say or do in the name of the Lord Jesus. Always give thanks to God the Father through Christ.
•Talk as a family about how part of worship is hearing God’s word preached. By hearing the word, we learn how to live the word. Pray that God would help your family live out this commandment.

Family Memory Verse...Have fun learning the following verse together as a family as a way to remember the third commandment.

Your word is like a lamp that shows me the way. It is like a light that guides me. (Psalm 119:105)

THE 3RD COMMANDMENT
AN IMPACTFUL SIGN OF ABSTAINING

The 3rd Commandment simply says in the Small Catechism: “remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy”. What does it mean to ‘remember’ and ‘keep it holy’? Tough to know what this means. If you dig into the Hebrew Scriptures, right before Moses received the tablets and headed down off Mt. Sinai, here is what God instructed: Then the Lord said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘You must observe my Sabbaths. This will be a sign between me and you for the generations to come, so you may know that I am the Lord, who makes you holy. Observe the Sabbath, because it is holy to you. Anyone who desecrates it or works on it must be put to death. (wow, that’s serious! Let’s continue…) ‘For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord. …..for in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, and on the seventh day He abstained from work and rested.”

We know to keep something holy is to set it apart. We, as God’s children, are to set a portion of our weekly schedule aside to glorify God by not working. Imagine if everything shut down on one day of the week - no shopping, no sports, and no work projects to do. Other than one day a year, (Christmas) this really no longer takes place like it had when our grandparents were youngsters. For nearly 4,000 years, one day a week was set apart to be used differently than all the other days. It is on this one day that God’s people are to abstain from their normal work duties so they can focus on bringing glory to God while rejuvenating and reenergizing.

How can we, in this overly commercialized society, give God glory by abstaining from our normal work duties? First of all, if you haven’t scheduled time to rest and reenergize into your week, that’s the first step. God knows that if all you do is work, your relationships will suffer not only with others but with Him as well. How can you be an impactful sign to others and point others to the King of kings if you rarely take the time to do so? God sets us apart inside ourselves and on the outside with those who don’t know God when we observe Him as being our Lord and master, even over our schedules, rather than us controlling it all. Secondly, once you’ve established time in the weekly schedule to be set apart for the Lord’s Kingdom, invite your family to do the same. You will notice that relationships with each other and with those who live around you will flourish and begin to take on new meaning as the peace of Christ stirs in ways you have never experienced before.

Third Commandment:
Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

I have plenty of things in my daily life that I need to remember. Remember to deposit that check, remember your anniversary, let the dog out every hour just in case, lock the car doors as you leave, brush your teeth at least twice a day. Ugh- it all gets almost unbearable. I have post it notes, outlook reminders, my lovely bride’s completely kind and un-condescending words, and other methods of helping me. Yet I still forget things- constantly! How is that possible?

The word ‘Sabbath’ is translated as rest, or intermission- a rest of the heart. If we look at what the text actually says, it reads as follows:

Exodus 20:8-11 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

The first challenge for the majority of us in this commandment is simply remembering to take a Sabbath at all. We are fantastic at thinking the world will literally stop turning if we don’t work every single day. Reality is, of course, that is not true.

We have to stop- we have to take a break- we need a heart intermission.

The second challenge in this commandment is to keep it holy. The word holy as used in this context is translated as ‘set apart.’ So, the question is not whether or not you stop working on your tasks for the day; but is the day set apart, and does it look different than the other days? Verse 11 really brings to light the reason why we stop. We were given an example by God Himself to take a break. It stands as a reminder or focal point for us to remember as we reflect during our Sabbath, just as God Himself did. It’s a chance for introspection, to look back and reflect, remember, to lift up prayer of thanks and of cries for help.

The next question for me becomes one of logistics. I work on Sundays- it’s part of the gig in my line of work, so when and how do I get my Sabbath?

The simple answer is that God simply does not care when we take our Sabbath. The scripture doesn’t say that ‘God rested on the seventh day, which was a Sunday, and He attended a worship service, and had fellowship with fellow believers over a potluck.’ Nope. It just says he rested after 6 days of work. I don’t work on Fridays. Neither does my wife. We put our kids in school and generally we don’t do much of anything other than be together. We go for walks, we talk, we read, we laugh- it’s amazing. It’s one of my favorite parts of the week. I’m not going to tell you that we came to this place easily. We had to CARVE this time out of our schedule, and it was painful. There are so many things we could so easily give our time to- but we realized that God was on to something in this commandment.

So do it. Take a break, set it apart. You don’t deserve it- but you are allowed.

The Second Commandment: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

This is a series to help parents teach children about the meaning of the Ten Commandments. One promise made by parents and godparents at baptism was to teach their children the 10 Commandments. God gave Moses two stone tablets that God wrote His laws on to teach us what to do to make our whole life pleasing to God. God gives us the Law because God loves us! The first 3 commandments are about love toward God and the last seven are about loving other people.

What is this? or What does this mean?
Luther’s Small Catechism says: “We are to fear and love God so that we do not curse, swear, lie, or deceive using God’s name, but instead use that very name in every time of need to call on, pray to, praise, and give thanks to God.”

Here’s another way to say it: “You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God.” This is a great time to talk about what it means when you say “omg” or “Oh, God” when you roll your eyes…or swear. It’s “funny” how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world is in the condition it is in today.

Family activity:
“We will obey the Lord our God.” Jeremiah 42:6 The life value, obedience, provides for an opportunity to play familiar games that require listening and obedience. “Red Light, Green Light” is an example. Draw a picture of a traffic light on paper. Color the lights and ask for the rule. Discuss the purpose (safety) behind the rule. Think about what would happen if there were no traffic light rules. Play “Red Light, Green Light” together. Emphasize the consequence for breaking the red light rule. What were some of God’s rules?

The 10 Commandments Song Tune: Ten Little Indians”
I’m your only God – it’s true. (Hold up one finger.)
Never worship idols –ooh! (Hold up two fingers.)
Respect my name, and don’t be rude. (Hold up three fingers.)
Keep the Sabbath holy. (Hold up four fingers.)

Please obey your mom and dad. (Hold up five fingers.)
Don’t kill people, oh! How bad! (Hold up 6 fingers, and shake your head.)
Please stay married –you’ll be glad. (Hold up seven fingers.)
Don’t steal things from others. (Hold up eight fingers.)

Never, ever tell a lie. (Hold up nine fingers.)
Don’t wish for things your neighbors buy. (Hold up ten fingers.)
When you follow God’s rules, you’ll be (Clap your hands)
Safe and very hap-py! (Turn in a circle, then clap one time.)

PRAY:
Ask God to help each child show love to one specific person this week. Then pray and commit to showing love for God in a new way each day.

God gave us the gift of the Ten Commandments to help us live in community with God and one another. In Matthew 22:37-40, when asked which is the greatest commandment, “37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” The Ten Commandments can be divided up into these two. The first three fall under the “Love God” category…the rest under “Love others.” Over the next few months, we will journey through the Ten Commandments, seeking to understand their meaning and relevance for our lives. As one of the promises of baptism is to teach our children the Ten Commandments, we invite you to gather your family around the following suggested activity and discussion, learning together, growing in faith with one another, and thinking creatively about how to apply the commandment to your family’s life together.

Second Commandment

You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God

What does this mean for us?

We are to fear and love God, so that we do not curse, swear, practice magic, lie, or deceive using God’s name, but instead use that very name in every time of need to call on, pray to, praise, and give thanks to God.

How do we apply this commandment to our family’s life?
Activity...Spend time together working on the God’s Name word find.

Explain...It has been said that a person’s name is the most beautiful sound they can hear. Our names are special to us. This commandment teaches us that God’s name is special, too.

•Invite each person to share their favorite nickname. How does it make you feel when someone has a special nickname for you? How do you feel when they use it?
•Now share about a name that someone used a name that you don’t especially like. How does it feel when they use it? Read Matthew 15:17-18... 17Don’t you see? Everything that enters the mouth goes into the stomach. Then it goes out of the body. 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart. Those are the things that make you ‘unclean.’

Explain...These verses teach us that the words we say come from our heart...and so we should choose our words very, very carefully. This commandment teaches us that we should make sure we are using God’s name respectfully and with great love and honor.
•Is it sometimes hard to use kind words? What might you do when you are tempted to use words that aren’t kind or to use God’s name in a negative way? Pray together that God would help your family live out this commandment.

Family Memory Verse...Have fun learning the following verse together as a family as a way to remember the second commandment.

I will praise the Lord. Deep down inside me, I will praise him. I will praise him, because his name is holy (Psalm 103:1)

God's Name Word Find (.pdf)

Taking God’s name…

Most adults read the Second Commandment as merely refraining from saying the words “Jesus Christ” in a derogatory manner, or damning the Lord’s name. In actuality, taking God’s name in vain is so much broader than just these few examples. Luther states in the Small Catechism that we are to love God “so that we do not use his name superstitiously, or use it to curse, swear, lie, or deceive, but call on him in prayer, praise, and thanksgiving.”

The first part clearly sets the appropriate boundaries in refraining from abusing his Holy name. Teens in this day and age curse as if it’s no big deal. I can’t tell you how many parents, (me included!) have to ‘remind’ their teens not to use certain language. If you spend an hour at a middle school or high school lunch time, you’re going to want to take a shower of the mind when you get home! The filth that teens profess with their mouths is an epidemic that must be fixed in the home. If it doesn’t happen there, they will live a life of profanity, insensitivity, selfishness, and disrespect.

Too many parents don’t want to correct their teen’s language in the hope that it will just somehow magically disappear someday, or they don’t want to cause any more conflict between them and their offspring. Parents, wake up! Take charge of your teen’s mouth and mind. If you don’t, society will steal everything you have tried so desperately to instill in them at a much younger age.

What kind of consequences occur when you catch your teen lying or cursing? Is it mild and light, or significantly stiff so that they will think twice the next time they have the choice to do so? Call me old school, but one thing that I won’t tolerate with my sons is lying and cursing. It reminds me of the time I told my mom “F U!” when I was a sixth grader. Didn’t take much time following the choice of those words to have a bar of Caress soap in my mouth. YUCK! I was quite a bit more careful how I spoke to her after that.

Notice how we, as followers of Christ, ought to use our words. Not only are we to refrain from certain things, but in the second part, following the word “but”, we are to call on the Lord in prayer, in praise, and thanksgiving. The best way you as parents can show your teen how to fear and love God with our mouths is for you to outwardly pray, praise, and thank God. When is the last time your teen heard you give God praise and thanks through audible prayer? When is the last time they heard you curse or swear? Hopefully they hear the first one much more than they hear the second one. Typically our children, as they mature, will reflect their parent’s mannerisms, so if you’re spending more time cussing than you are praising, you may be the one that needs to make the first step towards honoring God with your mouth. All of this starts with a humble attitude, asking God to “create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit within me”. Pray, pray, pray, watch carefully what you say, take courage to correct cursing and get to the real reason why one is choosing deception over the truth and honesty.

You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God.

For many students, this commandment doesn’t hold much “weight” as compared to many of the others. If you were to ask a student what the term “OMG” meant to them, and how they used it in their daily language, you would probably find that most of them wouldn’t even associate this commonplace term with the second commandment. To many, this acronym is more akin to “golly,” “gee,” or “gosh.” Many don’t even realize that “Oh my God” is actually what it stands for. Language for our students has become so lazy, so unaccountable, so “it’s not that big of a deal” that our students are allowing themselves to take the Lord’s name in vain more often than they are dropping the F-bomb.

This past Wednesday night at our program kickoff I walked past a group of students conversing about the week’s events at school. As they chatted, one of the students told a story about one of their teachers and in response to the teacher’s reprimanding, one of the students let out a boisterous “JESUS CHRIST!” I stopped and picked my jaw up off the floor and had an interesting conversation with them about where that comes from- not scolding- not angry- really just curious about how that term might even begin to enter their vocabulary.

So where does the problem fall? Is it a societal issue for which “those people” are to blame? Or, does this come down to personal accountability- a call to be better and be more accountable to the one who gives us grace as we fall? This commandment is of no “lesser” value or “weight” than any of the others, but we ALL so quickly allow our language to be shaped by the vocabulary of the people around us. Perhaps we should add some more 45lbs plates to this one…

What can we do about it?
You might have guessed it, and I am certainly going to be the broken record for all of these commandment articles, but it starts with YOU as the parent! Are YOU being accountable for the words that are coming out of your mouth? Even when no one is around to hear them? It starts there.

From there, hold your students accountable! Don’t just quit asking them to watch their language because you know they will roll their eyes and walk away. Tell them WHY!

Using the Lord’s name in vain and even cussing, does absolutely NOTHING productive in our thought lives, and does anything but point people towards Jesus.

Ideas to implement in your home:
• Start a cuss jar – Put in a dollar every time you cuss.
• Wear a rubber band on your wrists – Every time you’re caught cussing, you get snapped.
• Demand pushups
• Hold each other accountable as a family

Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, OH LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

The First Commandment: “You shall have no other gods.”
This week we begin a series to help parents teach children about the meaning of the Ten Commandments. One promise made by parents and godparents at baptism was to teach their children the 10 Commandments. God gave Moses two stone tablets that God wrote His laws on to teach us what to do to make our whole life pleasing to God. God gives us the Law because God loves us! The first 3 commandments are about love toward God and the last seven are about loving other people.

What is this? or What does this mean? Luther’s Small Catechism says:
“We are to fear, love, and trust God above all things.” It means don’t let anything or anyone other than God take over your life. You can read about this commandment in Exodus 20:3-6.

Family activity: Make some play dough by mixing together 3 parts flour, 1 part salt, and 1 part water. As you tell the Bible story, make tablets out of the dough. Let the children pretend to write the laws on the tablets using craft sticks to write with. As you tell the laws, you may want to say them in words a young child can understand:

10 Commandment Rap......or use these words for little ones
Do you know the 10 Commandments? Yes, we do!
These are God’s words, so hear what we say!
These are God’s words, so listen and obey!

1-I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods.	#1- Do not worship any God except me. Do not make idols.
2- Do not take God’s name in vain.	#2- Do not misuse my name
3-Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy	#3- Remember the worship day
4-Honor your Father, honor you Mother.	#4- Respect your dad and mom
5-Do not kill	#5- Do not murder
6-Do not commit adultery	#6- Stay with the one you’re married to
7-Do not steal	#7- Do not steal
8-Do not speak lies against your neighbor	#8- Do not tell lies
9-Do not covet your neighbor’s house	#9- Do not want anything that belongs
10-…or anything that is your neighbor’s	#10- to someone else

Yes, this is most certainly true.

Talk about rules: God’s rules, rules at home, rules at school, rules in public places, rewards for following rules, and consequences for breaking rules. Preschoolers have to trust and obey rules they may not fully understand. “Share toys.” “Look both ways before crossing the street.” “Wash your hands before you eat.” Why does God give us rules to follow? (God gives us rules because God loves us. God wants us to live a life that pleases God..)

Prayer: Dear God, we thank you for helping us to do the things we should and to not do the things we shouldn’t; for teaching us how to live a life that pleases you; for giving us faith in Jesus (hold up one finger) and giving us love for one another (hold up a second finger). We know you give us rules because you love us! Amen.

God gave us the gift of the Ten Commandments to help us live in community with God and one another. In Matthew 22:37-40, when asked which is the greatest commandment, “37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” The Ten Commandments can be divided up into these two. The first three fall under the “Love God” category…the rest under “Love others.” Over the next few months, we will journey through the Ten Commandments, seeking to understand their meaning and relevance for our lives. As one of the promises of baptism is to teach our children the Ten Commandments, we invite you to gather your family around the following suggested activity and discussion, learning together, growing in faith with one another, and thinking creatively about how to apply the commandment to your family’s life together.

First Commandment
I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods.

What does this mean for us?
We are to fear, love, and trust God above all things.

How do we apply this commandment to our family’s life?
Activity...Work together to build a tower with blocks. Once your tower is complete, take out the block at the bottom.
• What happened to the tower when the bottom block was removed? Did the tower fall over? If not, was it as strong as it was with the bottom block?

Explain...This commandment teaches us to put God first...at the center of our lives. When we take God away, just like the bottom block, our lives fall apart...just like our tower. But when we put God first, when we build our lives on our faith, our foundation is strong. It sums up all the commands of God because it requires the faith of the whole person—our fear, love, and trust.
• What are some ways to put God first in our lives? What is different about a life that puts God first and a life that doesn’t?

Read Ephesians 4:4-6... 4There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
• Talk as a family about how you might live so that God is at the center of your family’s life...over all, through all, and in all. Pray that God would help your family live out this commandment.

Family Memory Verse...Have fun learning the following verse together as a family as a way to remember the first commandment.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:5)

This year Family Ministry will be spending our monthly e-blasts equipping families to look at, discuss, and experience the Ten Commandments. How creative will your family be in thinking through God’s law and gospel and how Christ has been the promise for us to be our righteousness before God?

For this month, consider preparing a family meal together. Plan all the details as a family. Decide the recipes, shopping list, and the date of the special meal. Will you invite any special guests? Will you eat outside on a picnic table? Will you dress up, or eat in your pajamas? Get everyone together and plan something special. If the whole family could shop together, it would be especially helpful! Assign certain members of the family to have special roles in meal preparation (setting the table, cutting vegetables, sending invites, etc.)

When it is time to have your meal, ask one person to pray for the meal, and read the first commandment from Exodus 20:1-6. Use this opportunity to talk about how your family came together for this meal as a special time together, but that the meal is not the most important thing. Your family, as well, is also not the most important thing. Being together isn’t the most important thing, and neither is your health, or the generosity of circumstances that afforded you this time. Emphasize that all the things that we love and enjoy about life together as a family come as gifts from God, and as we put our faith and hope in God, we are honoring the First Commandment, which is to honor God above all things.

Brainstorm some ways as a family that maybe you have missed the mark. Have you put activities or sports schedules ahead of time together in worship? Have you perhaps lost track of a responsible financial plan and let some of your time, talents and treasures slip away from God’s use in the church? Have you treated one another unfairly? Take some time as you enjoy your meal to forgive one another and make a few promises to God and one another to change the course of this year together, putting God first. Parents, this is a great time to model humility and honesty with your children. They are more likely to follow your lead if you go first.

Help your middle school student understand that we order our choices and priorities in life based on our commitment to living this First Command of God. We choose our friends, our activities, our money habits, etc., all based on how good we believe God is. If we believe God is generous and faithful, we will proclaim that message to new friends and share what we’ve been given. If we believe God is kind and powerful, we will also see ourselves as free to boldly bless others. Just like making a meal took preparation time, selection and de-selection of recipes (and food), and careful coordination of family schedules, honoring the First Commandment also means making deliberate daily choices to be a witness for the Lord.

Remember Exodus 20:6 with your student: God shows love to a thousand generations of those who love God and keep the commandments. This is because of Jesus’ finished work on the cross, we are forgiven and free. Completely loved and completely free, forever! Amen.

God gave us the gift of the Ten Commandments to help us live in community with God and one another. In Matthew 22:37-40, when asked which is the greatest commandment, “37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” The Ten Commandments can be divided up into these two. The first three fall under the “Love God” category…the rest under “Love others.” Over the next few months, we will journey through the Ten Commandments, seeking to understand their meaning and relevance for our lives.

First Commandment
I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods.

OK- I got it- I am not going to worship Rah, or Zeus, or Satan for that matter. One down, 9 to go- right? Well, sorta. We do have to remember that we are taking these verses out of a Hebrew context, and in fact God was in fact reminding them “Hey- I am the God that got you out of slavery from Egypt. I’m the one. Don’t get confused.” He is establishing His authority in the lives of the Jews.

So what on earth could that mean for me - especially me as a parent???

We have to make sure we are focused on the right thing! We serve a God who deserves our full attention. I don’t know about you, but it is certainly NOT hard for me to lose focus on God, and seeking after His will before my own. So the question comes to you- ‘What are you worshipping?’ Is it money, attention, sex, status, power, beauty, or something else? God is a very self-centered God, He alone is worthy of our praise- that means that NOTHING else is! Are we bold enough to inspect ourselves and remove the spots that are issues in our focus on the One true God who deserves our full attention?

On the flip side of this E-coin is the question of how do we convey this ideal to our students? How on earth do I teach my own children how to do something that I struggle with every day? The answer lies within that question if you ask me. Struggle. Work at it, try harder, be conflicted- and the key here is to TALK about it with your students. WHY do we make these choices? WHY do we seek to make our God the focus of what we do? Lead by example, and even when we don’t think our students are listening to a word we say- they are.

From there, help them make similar decisions. Help them see how quickly a hockey team can become an improperly placed god- an idol. Help them understand how the money they seek so hard after to buy the things that they so desire are actually replacing their one true love. The God that saved them and gives them new life.

Tell them why.

Summer of Sanity (S.o.S.!)
Raising a preschool child is a monumental task. Young children can be demanding, temperamental, irritating and filled with endless energy. It's all normal…other families are feeling these same stresses.

When you plan summer fun for your family remember to adapt your expectations to their developmental levels, adapt to your children's interests, watch for daily opportunities that life gives to teach new ideas…and be part of the fun yourself! Your love expressed during these activities fosters shared growth, learning and fun as together you make the memories of childhood.

An indirect approach to Sibling Conflict from a great website: Scott Turansky's www.biblicalparenting.org :
One great way to challenge the sibling conflict problems in a household is to play games with your children. Playing games can teach children how to win, how to lose, how to show mercy, and how to talk humbly. Have fun and enjoy the game but avoid put downs, bragging, boasting, hurtful revenge, and meanness. Teach children how to win without being hurtful, how to lose without complaining, how to make a good move with humility, and show honor whether you're winning or losing. Kids need to see these things modeled in games so they can learn how to handle similar situations in life.

25 Ways to Address Sibling Rivalry:

• model honor and respect as you relate to one another in marriage
• avoid 4 traps: favoritism, denial, discouragement, and loss of focus - enemies parents need to fight.
• train them to ask for forgiveness when they hurt one another
• train them to grant forgiveness
• listen to both sides before coming to a judgment
• let natural consequences occur
• give up trying to prove who is the guilty party
• don't expect children to be conflict free
• give children alternatives-work it out or you'll have a privilege of a chore
• have game plan ready in advance for a conflict zone (i.e. car, especially on a trip)
• use the children's conflicts to teach them to identify their emotions and to help them label what they feel
• never lose sight of the goal as a parent. You are training them for relationships, character, and who God is.
• realize there's a difference in how genders solve sibling rivalry; boys are physical and girls are more verbal
• recognize 3 types of sibling rivalry: verbal, physical, and relational
• use grade cards with babysitters to encourage accountability and good behavior
• be careful when cliques begin to occur, especially with daughters
• tie the consequence to the conflict: for example, if they borrowed something without asking, ban them from borrowing something for the next week/30 days
• don't solve the problem for them; teach them to solve it themselves
• pray that you'll catch them
• use scripture to develop a penalty system
• dads, don't let children wear your wife down and confuse her
• occasionally ask them to talk about and/or write out their problems and what they are feeling to their brothers or sisters.
• use sibling rivalry to teach them that God is still in control
• create situations where both parties can express what they are feeling
• ignore most of it.

Now that our schedules have kicked into "summer mode" we may find that our kids, without the regimen and requirements of school, are finding their way into a routine of bickering, fussing, and fighting. After all, sometimes, even though we love one another dearly, time together can get to be too much.

Conflict Brings Stress
The stress of the fighting can ruin family plans, impact relationships, and, in general, wreak havoc on the household. I'm always amazed at how much one small disagreement can throw our day into a tailspin. And, so often, find myself frustrated with the way I've handled conflict with my children...wishing I'd either stayed out of it and let them handle it on their own or stepped in more quickly to help avoid the escalation that often ensues. It sometimes seems like a no-win situation!

You are NOT alone!
I suppose there is some solace in knowing that I'm not alone…that ours isn't the only family whose children can go from fun, loving play to screeching, screaming banshees in a flash. I even find myself feeling oddly relieved when I witness sibling conflict play out in other families before my eyes at the park or at the soccer field. It's not just us. I'm not the only mom who gets frustrated when her kiddos whine for a snack or snark at one another for no apparent reason. The good news is, there are hundreds of resources that offer guidance for working through this type of conflict.

Kidshealth.org has a great article about sibling rivalry which includes not only some insights into why kids fight, but ideas for what to do when the fighting starts and tips for helping kids get along. [ kidshealth.org sibling_rivalry ]

For me, one of the most helpful pieces of the article comes from thinking through why the conflict started in the first place. Is one of the children stressed? Are they overtired? Not feeling well? Needing more structure in their day? Needing some down time, alone, to unwind? So often we look at the actual conflict in and of itself rather than considering that it may have absolutely nothing to do with the pencil they are fighting over and more to do with the needs or mood of one of the kiddos involved. When we look to the underlying cause of the conflict rather than focusing on the conflict itself, we open doors for conversation and allow ourselves the room to learn more about our children and their needs while at the same time helping them recognize and express their needs in a more positive and healthy manner. A win-win!

The Heart of the Matter
When it comes to conflict, no matter who, how, or why…our response should come from a foundation of faith with the goal of helping our children learn how to control their anger and love one another well. One ritual we've adopted in our family is to end each day by making the sign of the cross on one another's forehead while saying the words, "You have been sealed by the power of the Holy Spirit, and marked by the Cross of Christ forever." This action and blessing has allowed us to love one another with Jesus' love, while, at other times and after the most difficult of days, forced us to remember that no matter how frustrating the day has been, we are loved, precious children of God…all of us!

For this very reason, you must make every effort to support your faith with goodness, and goodness with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with endurance, and endurance with godliness, and godliness with mutual affection and mutual affection with love. --2 Peter 1:3-7

SOS – Summer of Sanity with Middle Schoolers...

As I think about the summer months along with the years of raising two young boys, I'm brought back to a very wise statement that someone once said: "I will applaud those who fight and vanquish their sin, who struggle on through weary years against themselves and win." Am I suggesting that raising kiddos, especially over the months of summer, can be "weary"? Definitely! It's almost as if less structure than what kiddos are used to brings with it boredom. Boredom gives birth to sin. My sons fought with each other and got into more trouble in the summer months, as did I, than any other time of the year. I love the words that the Lord encourages us with in 2 Peter 1:3-8. In a holy nutshell, God reminds us that we have been given divine power that gives us the strength to overcome and even conquer the "corruption of the world caused by evil desires." I remember too well those times when I had forgotten that I possessed such divine power and allowed the corruption of the world to overtake my actions. Have you ever lost a sense of self control with your child(ren)? It's quite easy to do so especially in stressful moments when our thoughts are no longer leaning on the Conquering Christ. Years ago, after coming back from a fun birthday party at a bowling center, the boys were arguing and fighting in the back and I totally lost it when they wouldn't listen to my numerous attempts to diffuse the chaos. I slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road, turned around and grabbed my eleven-year-old by the hair screaming at both of them like a wild animal. Been there?? The moments and days that followed brought me to my knees in humility where I needed my son's forgiveness and God's strength to live in self control, godliness, and with perseverance. These verses inform us to "make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; to self-control, perseverance, and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, kindness; and to kindness, love. If you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your understanding of the Lord Jesus." None of us want to be ineffective as parents. Did you notice that not one of these virtues is a feeling? When you are in the heat of a chaotic moment, whether with your kiddos, spouse, relative, or co-worker, don't allow your feelings of anger and anxiety overrule your actions. In that moment, immediately think of a 'plus' sign as you must choose to add to your faith in a mighty living Lord to act with self-control, kindness, and love. Can this actually be done? YES, if we lean on the Lord for strength rather than relying on our self. God's word tells us in verse three: "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through Christ." The only way to persevere successfully through a summer with sanity is to walk humbly with God relying solely in His divine power and peace through persistent prayer. It all begins with these four simple but very effective words: "HELP ME LORD JESUS!"

Summer is such a bittersweet pill. On the one hand, your students are home, around, available - and for the most part have good things to add to your home scene. On the other hand, they are suddenly without a regimented routine to keep them occupied and if they have siblings around, there is likely going to be bickering, snapping, arguing, and generally unpleasant goings-on. Let's see if we can't open this can of worms a bit further to get some insight on dealing with this issue.

Why do they fight?
In my own house I constantly get irritated with my kids for squabbling with each other, and assume they are doing it simply because they are inherently nasty, self-centered sinners. While this may be partially true, I read an article recently from NDSU (click here to see it) that brought out a few more reasons that I hadn't thought about as reasons this kind of behavior starts.

• They fight because they want a parent's attention, and the parent has only so much time, attention and patience to give.
• They fight because they are jealous: "He got a new bike. I didn't. They must love him more than they love me."
• They fight over ordinary teasing which is a way of testing the effects of behavior and words on another person: "He called me..." "But she called me...first."
• They fight because they are growing up in a competitive society that teaches them that to win is to be better: "I saw it first." "I beat you to the water."

• Set aside some time to be alone with each child?
• Recognize that each child is different?
• Make sure your adolescents realize they are each unique and have a special set of strengths?
• Praise adolescents for being who they are not just for what they can do?
• Avoid initiating competition among chidren?
• Realize adolescents and younger children need to be given the right to decide not to share at least some of the time?
• Be sure older children are not usually forced to give in to younger ones because "he's little" or "she doesn't know better"?
• Talk to the adolescents about their fighting?
• Believe there can be something good in sibling fighting?

“Faith and Fun in the Summer Sun...”
Make family a priority -Time spent together with your family is of the utmost importance. Encourage - Give encouragement to your children, instilling in them a balance of confidence and humility. Appreciate differences –Teach your children to respect and celebrate the uniqueness of each family member as well as other individuals. Nurture contentment –Be satisfied with life’s simple pleasures-good, health, good friends, and appropriate times of work, play, and rest instead of always wanting something more. Invest time –Make a habit of having conversations with and listening to your children. Neighbors –Demonstrate to your children what it means to be friendly and helpful neighbors. Give praise –Help build confidence in your children by applauding their efforts in family projects and chores. Forgiveness –Help your children realize that there are consequences for misdeeds, but forgiveness is always the best approach! Unconditional love –Love your children as we expect to be loved ourselves.

Thank You, God, Prayer Block
Transform a square box into a prayer block to help little ones give thanks to God. You’ll need a small square box, magazines, scissors, glue, and clear adhesive paper. Cut out pictures of items they recognize, such as toys, foods, or animals, and glue one item to each side of the box. Cover the box with clear adhesive paper for durability. Let kiddos play with the prayer block. As children look at each side, point to the picture and say, “God made cats. Thank you, God, for cats.” The prayer block helps with vocabulary and recognition as they learn to give thanks to God for the things God has created.

The Blessing Bowl- This blessing bowl of stones reminds you to pray each and every day for family, friends, and even unknowns. Put a special name on each stone. Add more stones from the beach. Pick one and carry that person with you all

Our Faith Box- Every family has its stories of times when God was faithful, but these stories are only meaningful if we remember them. A faith box has mementos: baptism candle, tiny phone, hospital bracelet, pink ribbon, bag of broken auto glass, etc. Share the story that goes with each memento.

Choose to spend mealtimes as a family. Set the timer for 20 minutes when you sit down to have dinner together!

Prayer Pocket – Staple a ½ paper plate to the edge of a whole paper plate to create a pocket. Decorate the paper plates and write/color/draw prayer requests on small pieces of paper to put into the pocket. At mealtime, ask one child to pick a paper and pray for that person/idea/place, etc.

“Love the Lord...and love your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27
Set out a small pillow, a stuffed animal, an umbrella, a drinking cup, a coloring book, and crayons. Say: Jesus wants you to love the Lord…and love your neighbor as yourself. I have some things here that we can use to show our love for others. Let’s pretend your mom is really, really tired. Can you think of something nice you could do for her, using something on this table?” Help children choose an item and explain how they’d use it to help. Continue with the following situations:

• Your baby brother is crying...
• Your big sister is sick in bed, she’s thirsty, and your mom is on the phone...
• Your grandma is visiting and has to go to the store in the rain...
• Your friend comes over to play and wants to color a picture...

When you live in a place like Minnesota, summer is a greatly anticipated season. The cold of winter and the gloomy skies of spring make room for the warmth of the summer sun. We collectively breathe a sigh of relief as we move from underneath hats, coats, and gloves into the carefree days of shorts and flip flops. We are set free to throw open the windows and enjoy a change in routine. With a goal of keeping faith at the center of your home…of growing in faith along with one another while at the same time modeling for your children a healthy and active prayer life, consider adding to or enhancing your family’s routine with some fun ideas for growing in faith with one another...always remembering Matthew 18:20, “Where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them”...

FAITH 5...
Faith Inkubators founder Rich Melheim suggests the FAITH 5 as a simple faith practice to bring faith into the home. The FAITH 5 connects church to home, faith to life, and parents to kids in a powerful way. The five steps of the FAITH 5 are...

1] Share highs and lows. Share your highs and lows by talking about the best and the worst part of your day. Talk with one another about how those things impacted you and your relationships.

2] Read a verse from your Bible.

3] Talk about how the verse relates to your highs and lows. What does it mean in your own words? How does the verse relate to where you are today?

4] Pray for one another’s highs and lows, for your family, and for the world. Simply talk to God, thank Jesus for the good, and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance in specific problems.

5] Bless one another. Trace the sign of the cross on one another’s forehead or palm as a reminder that you belong to God and to one another.

Visit www.faithink.com for more detailed information.

Prayer Spot...
Prayer is a gift given to us by our loving God. Prayer is also a powerful way for us to connect to one another. Consider setting up a prayer station in your home…maybe a bench in the mudroom or a comfy chair in the den. A place your family knows is a safe place to gather, a place for quiet reflection, as well as sharing life’s joys and sorrows. Keep a prayer journal nearby that can be used to chronicle prayer requests as well as answers to your family’s prayers.

Blessing Bowl...
One fabulous way to grow together is to honor the gift of one another. Place a special bowl along with slips of paper in a prominent place in your kitchen…either on the center island or at the center of your table. Encourage family members to record how others in the family have blessed them, then take time during meal time to celebrate one another. Blessings can be as simple as, “Timmy blessed me by making his bed this morning” to as profound as, “Jenny modeled how to be a good friend by…” Use the blessings as a guide for praying together…thanking God for the gift of one another and the gifts each member brings to your family.

Sacred Time...
Rather than jumping out of bed in a rush, encourage members of your family to spend the first 5-10 minutes of each morning in prayer, thanking God for the gift of the day and asking God to use them. Consider giving each person in your family a journal in which they can record their morning prayers and answers to prayer. Hold one another accountable to this sacred time of centering on Jesus before the day begins.

If you’re a parent of an adolescent-aged middle school student, you know that it is during these years (between 11-14) that pressure and stress can be at its highest, especially pressure to conform to the peers they hang around. Parent absence makes the pressure our teens are feeling even stronger to a point that they just give up in order to be accepted by their peers.

What does this have to do with summer?

Growing up, it was not during the school year that I would let my guard down and give into peer pressure because I was busy with homework, school sports, and evening activities like band concerts, practice, games, church groups, and the regular routine. It was during the summer months when I had more time on my hands, when I got bored, that I would find myself falling into negative peer pressure.

The worst part of summer for a student is when a parent, thinking they are doing the student a favor of some sort, checks out even more from the student’s daily life as if they deserve to spend more time away from family routines. Summer is NOT the time to lighten up, parents! In fact, it’s the best time to set aside regular outings with your student.

In a survey of 3,800 churched youth, only 23 percent of young teens spent one hour or more with their dad in a typical week, while 38 percent spent one hour or more with their mom in a typical week. No wonder the majority of our students aren’t taking much time to spend with God in prayer if nearly 80% of Christian teens won’t even spend an hour a week with their dad.

The best thing you can do with classes soon coming to an end is to set up weekly one-hour excursions with your student. Teens want to feel like they belong, they want to avoid the pain of being left out, they walk the fine line between conviction and compromise every day, and the percentage that they will compromise towards negative peer pressure goes up the more unstructured time they have and the less you are around. Summer time may be a time when you don’t have as many places/events to drive your student to, but it is NOT a time for you to take a vacation from parenting.
Consider focusing on being a giver to your young teen this summer. Walt Mueller, the president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, in his book Understanding Today’s Youth Culture, specifically points parents to:

• Give them unconditional love – Adolescents need parents who will help them to rediscover the meaning of love by their demonstration of it in their home. Remember, true love seeks no return, which you probably won’t get much in return through these awkward years of adolescence.
• Give them your time – Add to your daily to-do list quality time for each of those in your family. Start this today, don’t wait until summer to do so.
• Give them your attention – Information collected from surveys of over 90,000 seventh-twelfth graders confirmed that the kids who felt deeply connected with loving parents because they paid attention to them on a regular basis were less likely to suffer from emotional distress, less likely to have suicidal thoughts, less likely to be sexually active, and less likely to choose to use illicit drugs or alcohol.
• Give them boundaries – Healthy families are those with rules, with reasonable and loving boundaries. Good parents will over the years gradually expand those limits until they are able to live independently.
• Give them consistent discipline – When we give our children the gift of consistent, loving discipline, we are helping them to learn self-control. Later, that self-control will help them make responsible choices in life.
• Give them your willingness to admit your mistakes – It’s difficult to admit failure, especially when you are the parent, but the best thing your student can hear is “I’m sorry, please forgive me” when you know that you have hurt them. The only way they will learn how to forgive others is if they see it from their parent occasionally.
• Give them a spiritual heritage – My mom’s bedtime prayers while she sat on the side of my bed even as a senior in high school will be something I will always treasure. You may not have the theological answers about God, but you can surely demonstrate what it means to love God by showing your adolescent how critical it is to spend time with God in prayer.

When the school year is finally over and regular programming at Prince of Peace celebrates its last night, we all breathe a sigh of relief…we made it! It’s finally summer! Summer brings with it a welcome change in routine and much more freedom for most teens. Summer is also a great time to grow in your faith as a family.

Prince of Peace offers weekend outdoor worship services from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Bring a blanket, bring your family and enjoy worshiping God outside on a beautiful Minnesota day.

Did you know, that Prince of Peace also records all sermons and makes them available as Podcasts? Check out www.princeofpeaceonline.org to listen to any sermons you may have missed. You could play them in the car on a road trip or bring your iPod to the cabin for the weekend and listen together as a family.

There are many faith building events planned for SHM teens this summer, such as Sonshine Musical Festival, Camp Ingham and volunteering with Vacation Bible School. When looking back at their involvement with church, college students and young adults will often refer to their church youth trips as the highlight of their spiritual journey.

With the beautiful Minnesota summer weather, it’s also a good time to go on a nature walk with your family. Encourage your family to notice everything around you. Breathe in the fresh air. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. Smell the fragrant flowers. Swim in a lake. Know that it is all a gift from God. I still remember a Bible Camp counselor I had when I was 12 who took us on a nature walk around camp and every time she would see something beautiful, she would exclaim “Isn’t God good!?” Summer is a great time to thank God for the gift of nature and this earth on which we live.

Even though Prince of Peace has lots of wonderful opportunities for you to grow in faith as a family, you don’t have to come to the physical building to grow in your faith. Share your faith story with your kids on a road trip. Tell them how you came to believe in Jesus and how your faith has strengthened you and given you guidance throughout your life.

Don’t let summer be a time that you take a break from worshiping God. Find creative ways to worship together as a family and remember that you are the primary shapers of your teenager’s faith.

You can plan ahead for the strength you and your children will need for future transitions by building a healthy family:

1. pray together…practice asking for God’s help
2. communicate to each other with truth and grace
3. affirm the value and uniqueness of each member of the family
4. share a strong spiritual foundation
5. teach respect for others
6. instill a sense of responsibility in each other
7. celebrate meaningful rituals and traditions together
8. vow never to abuse, shame, control or intimidate one another.
9. ask for support and help when surprise transitions happen
10. display an “unconditional love” toward one another
11. play together…build strong bonds within your family

Transition is a time of change… and many children don’t like change. As our children pass through the various stages of life, they experience many times of transition that we can prepare them for (developmental changes and changes in environment, circumstances, relationships, schools, new baby) ...and others that are unexpected and out of the child’s control(a family move, divorce, illness, job loss, death). Transition is a natural part of growing up and of maturing. Handled well it makes all of us stronger people, but when it is surrounded by uncertainty or negative reactions, then it can make children most unhappy…and less able to cope with life’s challenges in the future.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-6

Children face transitions with a variety of past experience, some positive, some negative. They will nearly always be anxious. Dealing with the losses that come through change can help children to deal with the new things that they face. Good parents learn to support their child at these times by giving encouragement and appropriate praise. You can help your child look ahead to a new beginning…think of some positive things related to the change…soon they will begin to see this new way of being as normal. Children may feel helpless, rejected, guilty, unbearably sad, angry and/or emotional as they deal with transitions. Awareness of their experience and what might be going through their little heads and giving a sensitive response is so important. Children need to know that life is going on, that there are still normal things around them. They need to know that the familiar boundaries are still in place. Encourage children to anticipate change in a positive light.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

If we respond warmly, firmly and consistently, even when a child has made a poor choice, the child will come through the transition feeling she belongs, feeling more confident, deepening a trusting relationship with important people around her.

Do not be anxious about anything. Phil 4:6-7 Sing with your child:
I am special(x2) (melody: Are You Sleeping?)
Look and see(x2)
I am very special (x2)
God loves me (x2).

God is with us – we are not alone!

Transitions happen. They are a part of life. To be able to deal with them is a life-long endeavor. Helping our children go through transitions is a gift we will give them. Transitions include changes in relationships, circumstances and environment. The loss of a pet, a friend moving away, adding a new family member, the death of a close family member or friend, moving to a new town or school, sudden loss of parents job, divorce, are all real causes for life transitions. Even the transition of entering a new grade at school or at church can cause some anxiety.

Here are some things to help you help them cope with change:

1. Be aware of your child's behavior/emotional changes. In order to be aware of changes in behavior it is vital that you know your child. Knowing them doesn’t just happen, it is intentional. It’s those moments of play, it’s those conversations in the car, it’s those times of swimming together that draws us closer together. In the evening is a great time to ‘check in’ with your child. Kids have the need to be needed. Let them know they are loved by spending time with them…time speaks volumes. Take 5 minutes to share your highs and lows of the day. You may be surprised at what you learn.

2. Always validate your child's feelings. There are times when I don’t understand why they might be feeling this way. There may be other times when I say to myself “Why can’t they just get over it!” It may not be a big deal to me, but it is to them. Let them know that you know they are feeling sad by saying, “This must be hard for you.” Or “I can see you are very angry by this.” Or “I was nervous when I had to go to middle school too.”

3. Protect their environment. Encourage them where they are. Remembering that they are vulnerable and young. With all the stuff they hear about and see regarding their environment (the world they live in), it is all the more important that they now they have firm, unwavering support. “If you ever need anything, I am here for you.” Say it, because it’s nice to hear. Do it, because you mean it. It’s also important here to shield them from things they are not quite ready for. There is a reason that some show are PG and beyond. Help them make good choices.

4. Pray it up. Cover your child in prayer. Pray with them. Pray for them and their transitions in life. Pray that God would help you through the transitions so that you might be a healthy example. Just as you remind them that they aren’t alone, remember yourself that you are not alone either. God loves you and cares for you too.

Any sort of transition can be challenging and some more than others extremely difficult to face. A few that I have had to personally navigate through have been job loss, divorce, financial hardship, death of a loved one, and the list goes on as I’m quite sure it does for you as well. So how can you as a middle school parent help your student through difficult transitions?

We begin at the place where God desires, wrapped in faith rather than in fear. His powerful Word instills faith, hope, and a promise of His presence in times of change and transition. It’s healthy to admit to your student that you may not have the answers or the comfort that they are looking for during this time, but God’s mighty word does. Philippians 4:5b-7 states “the Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

What God is saying is there is no need to be stressed out and full of anxious worry because He is assuring anyone who turns to Him in prayer that his presence will surround them with peace and even protect them as his own.

Parents you can help your student cope with transition by implementing the following plan, as suggested from Josh McDowell’s book Counseling Youth through being a L.E.A.D.E.R. for them during these challenging times.

Listen – Allow them to talk freely without trying to spin your own interpretation on how you think they ought to feel during this time. Encourage them to share with you by asking: “How does what’s going on make you feel?”

Empathize – As you listen, place yourself in their shoes and how you might feel in a similar situation at that age. Show empathy by: Nodding your head; making eye contact; leaning forward to indicate interest and concern; speaking in a soothing tone; and using reflecting statements such as “so, what you’re saying is ….”will all help with empathy. Affirm – resist telling them that what they are feeling is ridiculous. Affirm them by saying “what you are going through seems to be difficult and very challenging”. Inform them that it’s natural to be scared and even angry for the change that is/has taken place.

Direct - A concerned parent should offer support and guidance by directing their student to:

• Turn to God and depend on His presence and promises through prayer . Sit down and read the scripture above, pray with them with something as easy as asking God to be comfort them during this challenging transition.
• Differentiate between how they FEEL and what they THINK so that they can begin to temper their feelings and move towards rational thoughts about what they are going through.
• Explore the difference between things one can control and things one cannot control. Some transitions come about by means that the student had no control over, even though they may want to believe that they could have. This can lift heavy burdens of guilt.

Ever feel like your life is off balance? Like you just can’t seem to keep up with everything? If you’re a parent of a teenager, that has probably become normal for you. Teens and families with teenagers seem to be constantly transitioning and adapting to a new way of life. Whether it’s educational changes like moving from Junior High to High School or High School to college, physical changes like those that come with puberty, seasonal changes like changing from one sports season to another or a change in roles as teenagers begin to take on more responsibility for making decisions, the teen years are full of transitions.

As a community of faith, how do we navigate these transitions and equip our students to be mature Christian adults when they go off on their own after High School?

1. Pray - Philippians 4:6-7 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
2. Tell your children that even though everything around them is changing, you still love them and you will never leave them. As a parent, you model God’s love for them. Children who don’t have loving parents who are consistently there for them have a harder time believing in a God like that. Romans 8:38-39 says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
3. Help your child develop decision making skills. Mark Gregston of Heartlight Ministries says, “Your kids will need discernment and decision-making skills when they leave home, so begin treating them like the adult you want them to eventually be, one step at a time. Since we learn the most from consequences we suffer when we make mistakes, falling down is just part of the process of growing up. On the playground monkey bars children learn if you don’t grab the next rung, you will never make any progress. Likewise, if we never let them reach for more responsibility, and sometimes miss, they simply won’t progress in life.” (From his article “Why You Should Empower Your Teen” www.markgregston.com).
4. When your teen makes a mistake, respond in love. Chances are, the teen already knows that they’ve messed up and feel guilty about it. Let them know that your love for them is not conditional. Romans 5:8 says “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
5. Continue to model for them what a mature Christian adult life looks like. Even through High School and College, you children are watching you and will model your habits. Make prayer, worship, reading the Bible, serving, and giving generously a part of your life and it will become a part of your child’s life too.